


Horribly Familiar

by timeheist



Category: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-06 20:24:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeheist/pseuds/timeheist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Let’s not be hasty.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The television networks had done a pretty good job of covering it up because of his original reputation, but there was no denying it to Doctor Horrible; Captain Hammer had lost his nerve. From a man who treated the media and his adoring fans as though he was an able and willing prostitute to publicity, he had became an agoraphobe, only ever leaving the house twice a week, to buy food or to do his laundry. That last one was something that annoyed Doctor Horrible – the moron still dared to do his laundry in the Laundromat that Penny had gone to every week, either to mock Doctor Horrible or because in some sick, twisted way he was mourning too. Maybe it was all a publicity stunt, organized by either him or an agent of some sort, to show the people that even though he only seemed to fight crime on Tuesdays and Bank Holidays, he still cared. It infuriated Doctor Horrible. He was also pretty sure that Captain Hammer had bought himself a cat. Or at least, his fan-blog was telling the world of anybody who would listen that today was Captain Hammer’s cat’s birthday. It was probably adorable.

Today happened to be laundry day, and for the first time in a year of going to the same Laundromat, Billy didn’t feel much like singing. He hadn’t been in a singing mood really, ever since Penny had been killed by the exploding freeze ray that he had always dreamt would secure them a life together. Of course, he was now a member of the Evil League of Evil; with a full time job like that, he didn’t always find time to blog either, and had unfortunately left the job to Moist on more than one week and had managed to lose himself twenty of his original subscribers. But he was famous now – those twenty followers had quickly been replaced by a gaggle of over a hundred fangirls and the occasional punk claiming that they could be his next arch nemesis. Jerks, trying to make a name for themselves on his hard work. It wasn’t on – like he had told his loyal blog watchers – the world was a mess, and he needed to rule it. Working and studying under Bad Horse, of course, was a definite step up on the ladder of success and anarchy and – and… The path to a shiny new Australia!

At first he hadn’t been particularly enamoured with getting his way into the League. Sure, it meant he got to wear that frankly awesome new dark red lab coat, and sure it meant that his name was now on Metropolis’ most wanted list, and his face on milk cartons under ‘have you seen this man? Call 911’, but… Penny. Without Penny, there hadn’t seemed to be a point to it all. He hadn’t felt a thing, it had just been… Dull. But after a few weeks, when the changes started rolling in and when the police began to take his threats and ransoms seriously, he realised that he had the potential to mould the status quo. The status, would not be quo, not anymore! He was an evil genius! He had an evil laugh to prove it! And of course, there was the added fact that Captain Hammer was still, for better or for worse, his nemesis, and if he kept up his current stream of crimes then he might finally tempt the man back into the great outdoors of the city. For now, he was settling for stalking him on his visits to the Laundromat.

The plan, so far, was to follow Captain Hammer home. And he’d done that, watching the man drive embarrassingly slowly, skipping red and orange lights just so that he would get home fast but without the slightest chance of an injury. The so called hero really was an insult to the title when it came to pain – one shard of metal through the arm and the newspapers had gotten wind of his therapy sessions with an expensive psychiatrist over in Seattle who was paid to ask him how it made him feel then sell the answers to the highest bidder. But now that he had found the apartment he wasn’t entirely sure what he should do next; the man would be completely defenceless right now, and where once that might have been an asset to Doctor Horrible’s cause now it would just make things boring. And too unfair for even him to stand by and watch it happen. He had to give the Captain a chance. But how? Ringing the doorbell even in Captain Hammer’s current state would only earn him a punch in the face, so he had to be a little more subtle.

A quick saunter back around the corner to where Moist and the Horrible Mobile (still quite nicely named, Doctor Horrible felt, despite all of Moist’s protests that it was his car and a perfectly good car at that, but as Doctor Horrible pointed out he had said he was very grateful for the loan) gave him his answer. The duffel bag that made permanent residence in the car boot had RAYS written in silver marker on black tape stuck across the side, and did in fact have just the ray for the job inside it. The Word Ray; perfect for projecting messages and for cooking bacon when he was too far from an oven or a convenience store. Tie a note to it and he might owe Captain Hammer a new portion of wall if he missed the window but it would certainly pass the message along quite nicely. And Moist had said he had too many weapons that ended in –Ray. You could never have too many weapons that ended in –Ray!

***

“Argh!”

Captain Hammer flailed away from his living room wall in a manner decidedly unlike any straight man, arms and legs lifted away from the ground as though he had just seen a mouse. Not that it mattered – the red writing was, of course, on the wall. Calming his nerves – and his cat, who had been dislodged from the crook of his arm out of sheer shock – Captain Hammer took a step back and ran a hand through his sleek, glossy black hair, the kind of hair that blew in the breeze and infatuated the ladies… He trailed off, shaking his head. That would never do. This was clearly the work of Doctor Horrible – no one else would feel compelled to burn a hole in his wall, through ten centres of cement and insulation, to project a few lines of writing onto the wallpaper. And no one else would feel compelled to mock him in his recovery period after his horrible injury.

“This is horribly familiar.” The words were bright red and rather difficult to miss, and a part of Captain Hammer that still had a scrap of confidence in him hoped that Doctor Horrible’s arm was starting to hurt from the strain of projecting the result of whatever he was calling this ray. It always struck him, even since their first meeting where he had thrown him across and alleyway and started to beat him up only to be interrupted by the infamous death whiney of Bad Horse, just how predictable Doctor Horrible could be. He was difficult to beat and doing so required the kind of thought that even to consider made Captain Hammer’s head hurt, but there was a pattern. Penny had once made him a flowchart, blissfully unaware that her laundry buddy was a mad scientist. Similarly, Captain Hammer was relieved to say that Doctor Horrible didn’t know his alias.

“Now Doctor Horrible is here, to make you quake with fear…? Poetic.” Wasn’t that a line from one of his annoyingly catchy songs? Egotistical…! Captain Hammer clenched his fist; he hated villains, with a passion. The same went for crime, although that last one was rather good for pumping his ego; there had been a time, not too long ago, when all he’d had to do was snatch Doctor Horrible’s toys then kick his ass halfway across the city. There were other villains that were much easier to beat, too. All it took was to point a hair dryer at Johnny Snow (he’d asked the leggy blond owner of the hair dryer out on a date too) and the petty criminals, well, they just ran. Captain Hammer assumed he just looked that attractive and terrifying… Like gently wafting lacy curtains in the window of justice!

Still… He figured that he had some sort of advanced warning, as the red words winked out leaving soot the size of generous saucers on both of his walls. Time to get ready. His first instinct was to look for a very deep bottle of whiskey but he really had to start to get his act together some time soon. He had an interview next week, anyway. Doctor Horrible had hurt him, yes, but he if was coming to this, Captain Hammer’s very own house, just to terrorize him then that just wasn’t on. He stamped his foot, and shutting his protesting cat into the kitchen, he ran through to his bedroom to dig out a pair of his black latex gloves and a clean trademark shirt (replicas $19.99 on his website, postage and packaging not included outside the United States). And then he picked up a hammer.

***

Doctor Horrible’s evil laugh (practice make perfect) gave him away even before he had disintegrated Captain Hammer’s door. Captain Hammer didn’t waste time on deciding which ray it was this time, tipping his head to one side to survey the gaping hole and smoking hinges that had used to be his door, but grasped his steel hammer tightly in both hands. Doctor Horrible reeled in his laugh with a smug grin and Captain Hammer yelped, before crying out with effort and raising his hammer back, swinging it in a wide and clumsy arch straight towards his nemesis. Under better odds he might have done more than just knock the ray flying out of the Doctor’s hands and over the side of the fire ladder, but he took cheer from what he could have sworn he’d heard Doctor Horrible mutter.

“Balls.” Both men watched the ray smash on the ground in a rather spectacular fireworks display that caused a car to swerve into a fire hydrant. Doctor Horrible smirked, raised his hands in mock defeat, and jumped back and away from Captain Hammer’s weapon of choice. This was pathetic, really; and he still called this man his nemesis? “Hey, Captain Hammer?” He smirked again. “I thought the hammer was your penis?”

“Very funny, Doctor.”

Captain Hammer was clearly sulking, as Doctor Horrible stalked forward and pushed the other man back into his own flat. There was a park outside, with kids and dogs, and he didn’t know about Captain Hammer but Doctor Horrible didn’t want to put them in the crossfire. Patting down his pockets in the search for another weapon he pulled out a sleek laser, shoved into one of the belt loops underneath his lab coat (could villains pull of a utility belt? Was it worth putting up a poll on his website?) and tossed it from hand to hand like a cat playing with a mouse. But at least there was going to be some challenge; the hammer had been a surprise, if incredibly ironic and a particularly stupid idea. At least the Captain was going to fight back. Like Batman and the Joker neither really wanted to kill the other, although Doctor Horrible had been famously tempted, because if they did then it was no fun. And the winner would have to find a new nemesis, which was just time consuming and inefficient.

“Let’s not be hasty.”

“Hasty? This is progress Captain! The fresh air’ll do you some good you know. For that boo-boo on your arm.” He laughed as he all but pinned Captain Hammer to the burnt wall, and then couldn’t hide a slight blush of his own. The last time that one or the other of them had been inside the other’s private home, they’d both been drunk, and had fallen out of the taxi and through the front door, something that had meant every exciting major holiday came early for the newspapers. It was just as well that Captain Hammer had been so drunk, and missing his underwear, when he got back into the taxi that the next morning he hadn’t quite been able to find his way back to Doctor Horrible’s house to beat him up. Billy couldn’t quite remember all the details himself but he could remember focusing rather too much on Captain Hammer’s trousers in the taxi and had woken up half on and half off the sofa with the kind of hangover that suggested he’d drunk enough alcohol to floor a rhinoceros.

“It was your death ray that blew up!”

“Freeze ray… Could you at least get the name right? Idiot.”

The laser was right up underneath Captain Hammer’s chin when it happened again. Doctor Horrible grabbed him by the front of his shirt in an uncharacteristically rough manner, kissing him forcibly and hitting the back of his nemesis’ head against the wall. Trailing his hands down the other man’s body to get a feel of the shape and size of the taller hero with a sober mind, he wasn’t exactly gentle, and revelled in the small yips and groans that he was drawing from the half terrified and half aroused Captain Hammer. The man was shaking, yes, and he was still holding his hammer tightly in one hand, but he was also kissing back. And a part of Doctor Horrible might have been cringing, but… He was enjoying the whole experience. Especially the look of mixed horror and excitement on his nemesis’ face. Classic. Of all the times he wished he had a camera…! His hands came to rest on Captain Hammer’s ‘hammer’ and he pressed down once, with the heel of his palm, and was rewarded with a surprised moan. The Doctor laughed, then made his kisses more gentle as he worked his mouth down Captain Hammer’s neck.

As Captain Hammer reached forward, accidentally dropping his weapon, Doctor Horrible carried on, pushing his hand against the other man’s penis before stretching out his fingers to stroke lethargically. His other hand slipped down to join it, asserting that control that fighting with Captain Hammer he had never had before, and for a moment, Billy enjoyed the power. That was why he’d wanted to join the Evil League of Evil after all, for the ability to be in control of the anarchy that would clean up the world. The world was a mess, and one day, he would have to rule it, and fix it, through villainy. Captain Hammer purred appreciatively, even encouraging the other man to press harder in shallow tones, and at one point nipped decidedly roughly at the side of Doctor Horrible’s neck, running his hands over his neck with his thumbs lingering over the slight Adam’s apple and pushing just a little bit more when Doctor Horrible’s fingers did on his length. That was the change, the resemblance to the way they had treated each other from first meeting; the fight, and constant challenging of each other, pushing them further and further until even Doctor Horrible was gasping and groaning as he bucked his hips against Captain Hammer’s impatiently, dropping his laser beside the hammer to gain full use of his digits.

Doctor Horrible lent in for another dominating kiss, only to be met with a fist hitting him across the jaw. The force of Captain Hammer’s fist was enough to cause Doctor Horrible to gasp, between that moment where he was flying through the air and the contact that his back made with the metal railing of the fire stairs he had come through. His head reeling, his rolled his neck and caught sight of the impacted car and his Word Ray sticking out from underneath one of the front wheels before he was raised back to his normal height, and a little bit beyond, by a pair of black plastic gloves that had apparently got their confidence back. Doctor Horrible blinked, and was suddenly glad that his tinted goggles had been knocked to the floor – they would have smashed from the impact, judging by the horrible (no pun intended) throbbing beneath his right eye. Growling under his breath at Captain Hammer he had the grace to give a slight moan as she man pulled him back inside to pin him to the wall just beside the now empty doorframe.

“Like I said before – it’s curtains for you, Doctor Horrible. Or were just interested in the hammer this time, rather than the Captain?” He smirked, putting his hands to the stiff bulge Doctor Horrible’s trousers, wrapping his fingers around the material of the lab coat to squeeze once, teasingly, before touching his own groin and letting go of Doctor Horrible with a shove. Billy, was seeing more than one type of stars. “But I have to thank you, Doctor – I forgot what kind of face I have to look at in the morning.”

“Oh?”

“A damn handsome one. Don’t you think?” He looked close at the Doctor and winked once before letting him go, nodding for the man to leave. Anxious not to get beaten up but growling under his breath at a plan gone wrong, Doctor Horrible obliged, earning himself a hard kick in the backside that sent him on his way. Stumbling down the first level of steps to land on the fourth floor of the staircase half on his face and half on his shoulder, he winced and then looked up, his view inverted, at Captain Hammer with his arms folded in the doorway. Managing a laugh, Billy smirked broadly. Oh yes. One more point for Doctor Horrible and the Evil League of Evil. And his nemesis was back!

“I am not paying to replace that door.”


	2. Chapter 2

What was he doing? Captain Hammer was his arch nemesis and they may have agreed to a ceasefire while they both drank themselves silly in the same bar but in what way did that come to Doctor Horrible accepting a ride home? It didn’t make sense; Billy had Penny to obsess over and he was pretty sure that Captain Hammer had his pick of half the women in New York City, so how had this happened? In the back of a taxi, Billy rubbed his temples and peered out at the blizzard drunkenly. It wasn’t even a proper ride home, it was a shared taxi, and he was fairly certain he was going to wind up paying for both halves of the journey since it had been learnt (in a manner he hoped Captain Hammer would forget when the hangover hit him) they lived at other ends of the city. That was the human race though, wasn’t it? Not that he meant to be bitter and cynical the night before Christmas Day, but he was wonderfully drunk and – well, that was it exactly, he was wonderfully drunk! That explained everything! None of this mattered, and it was Christmas Eve, and he was sitting in Captain Hammer’s lap no matter where he let his eyes settle. And yes, they’d settled on the lap quite a few times, strictly, he told himself, out of scientific interest. Every tabloid in the city was going to have the Christmas headline in the century come morning.

“Captain-“

“Doctor!” Captain Hammer swung his black gloved hands out dramatically, wrapping his arms around an admittedly startled Doctor Horrible. “You’re not as bad as I first thought!”

“That… might be because when we first met, you threw me halfway across an alleyway by my labcoat lapels.” Billy raised an eyebrow, and Captain Hammer gave his booming laugh again. “You did!”

“Of course I did, Doctor. I said ‘are you horrible?’ and you said ‘very’.” He raised a mirror eyebrow, and Billy blushed. “What else would I do? I’m a hero, you know.” Captain Hammer puffed out his chest proudly, then uncharacteristically politely stayed quiet as Doctor Horrible muttered a long list of suggestions for what else Captain Hammer could have done, and midway through the list the taxi pulled into Doctor Horrible’s parking spot. Billy hurriedly shuffled into his own seat just as the car pulled to a stop and Captain Hammer pouted drunkenly.

“…What?” Billy hiccupped.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“Well, ah, wasn’t the – the idea that you go to your apartment and I go to mine? I mean, you told the cab driver.”

“That’s just rude, Doctor. And rudeness is practically evil…”

It took a great effort of will for Billy not to hit himself in the forehead. “Oh, fine. Would you like a cup of coffee?” The words were spoken through gritted teeth, a slightly drunken slur accompanying the smile that his face broke into without his control when Captain Hammer nodded, and pushed past to go to the front door first. Of course, that grin was quickly stifled, as Doctor Horrible was left to pay the taxi fare. A few minutes later, having emptied both his lab coat, and his trousers of any and all small change (plus a small spot in the miniature ray gun hidden in his belt) he was at the door, unlocking it to let them both in and falling through the door with such sudden inebriation that the two of them landed in a haphazard inappropriate mess of arms and legs on the welcome mat.

“Funny idea you have of coffee, Doctor.”

“Shut up, Captain Hammer.” Billy climbed over Captain Hammer to push the door shut, before pulling back, distracting again by the lap he had been sitting in not five minutes ago. “Ah… Captain…”

“Yes, Doctor?”

“Funny idea of coffee you have too.” He nodded at the other man’s groin, well aware that they were lying with their bodies pressed against each other, and not particularly inclined to change positions.

“Have I ever mentioned that the hammer is my penis?” Captain Hammer rolled his fists briefly. “Not the fists.”

Billy frowned. “No, I don’t think-!” He yelped once, then pressed his mouth against Captain Hammer’s without argument, letting his arms slip to his arch nemesis’ neck with a squirm of pleasure and a deep moan. The kisses became more passionate as Captain Hammer, with surprising balance for a drunkard, lifted them both up and pressed Doctor Horrible to his front door, knocking blueprints for a freeze ray and a teleporter left on a table by the door flying to the floor, and pressed one gloved hand to Billy’s cupped arse. Taking a breath while he could, Doctor Horrible tried to speak again. “Captain-“

“Shush, Doctor.” Growled Captain Hammer, pressing his body closer to the man’s labcoat, his muscles clear through the tight black t-shirt that he always seemed to be wearing. There was a sharp retort on Billy’s lips, an immediate witty comment that he wanted to make, but he found himself silenced, and his hands slipping down to Captain Hammer’s trousers, his white gloves discarded as he worked at the zippers. “That’s better, Doctor!” Captain Hammer laughed, biting kisses down Doctor Horrible’s neck then arching himself so Billy’s hands had to brush his groin, deciding that this was all about him, like everything else.

Doctor Horrible didn’t care. He was drunk, and he was going to enjoy it.


End file.
